I can’t imagine being this much of a control freak trash bag. If old Danny boy can’t deal with the fact that you’re a package deal with your child, it might be time to hit up your other brother with 3 kids and have your own family gatherings. If your mother is OK with Dan dictating the rules and imposing his personal boundaries for everyone at family gatherings, it’s time to set your own boundaries and just skip future visits with them. It will suck, but throw this back on their shoulders. Yes mother, you’re right, Dan has a right to set boundaries. I also have a right to set boundaries, and if my child is not welcome at family gatherings, I prefer not to visit.
P.S. Dan needs therapy.